The Right Fit

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

Auditions were just held last weekend for the winter production of Willy Wonka. Mairwen is already involved in a production at school. Between that and taking two high school level classes, she sat out this round of Christian Youth Theater auditions. Hannah prepared a song and a monologue, and nailed them both on Thursday evening. Then the wait began.

CYT holds auditions over the course of Thursday and Friday evenings, and then callbacks happen on Saturday, and then late Sunday evening, the cast list is posted. Snow and ice shifted the timelines this time around.

Something else that was different this time around was that there is only one show running this winter (normally there are two that run in tandem; one in Stafford, and one in Fredericksburg. Facility conflicts have narrowed us down to one for a while). That meant that we knew going in that not everyone who auditioned would get in (based on how many kids were auditioning versus the maximum cast size as determined by logistics and safety).

Before the cast list is made public, the Artistic Director sends an email the parent of any child who is not cast. Due to the aforementioned weather, the cast list is expected at 9 p.m. this evening. So as Hannah and I waited for the bus this morning, I received a very sweet and encouraging email, addressed to Hannah, saying that she was not cast in Willy Wonka.

I shared this email with Hannah. After giving her a minute or two to process, I asked her how she was feeling. "Disappointed," she said without hesitation, and went back to writing in the snow with a stick :-). I asked her whether she realized that it wasn't because her audition wasn't good. Because it really WAS very good! ((Several years ago Hannah experienced a season of bullying, and afterwards went through a season of self doubt. I now take every opportunity I can to gauge the healing process and see how she's truly feeling about herself.))

 Her answer was simple yet fairly profound: "I know. It just means they didn't have the right part for me."

I agreed, and added, "plus, maybe God sees another opportunity coming for you that being in Willy Wonka would get in the way of." I may have also slipped in the possibility of a mid-winter trip to Great Wolf Lodge... But that's because *I* want to go! ;-)

In that moment, I was simply pleased to hear that she had a good perspective on the situation, and that being cut hadn't seemed to damage her self esteem. But now that the bus is gone and I've had a bit more time to think (and finish my coffee), I realize that there's more to it than I originally saw.

Her answer showed that she made a choice, even if she didn't know that she made it. She could just as easily have said, "I wasn't right for the part" and on the surface it might have seemed the same. But underneath, it would have meant that she was using the part as a basis of judgement for herself. That the part was right, and she was wrong. By saying it the other way around, she showed that she knows she has value, and that the part was the thing that was fitting wrong, not her.

It may sound like I'm splitting hairs here, but this is really a tremendous difference that we would all do well to think about. I'm not saying we should become raging egomaniacs, but...

• What if we stopped wondering whether every closed door was the result of a personal failure?
• What if we chose to truly believe that rejection often is protection?
• What if we focused on being ready for the better thing that God must have in store if he said "no" to the thing that seemed good?
• What if we realized that God's plans for each of us are beautifully unique to each of us, and not always anything like what we expected them to look like?
• What if we finally decided not to adjust our definition of ourselves because of a role we've received for a season (not speaking only of theater!), and began to define ourselves by the role what we'll have for all eternity?

So for everyone who gets a part, and everyone who doesn't, and for anyone who has ever had to deal with a closed door, I pray for you to be able to shift your perspective, and redefine what "fits." You were not made to make yourself into something else. You were made to be YOU!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ~Psalm 139:14

Obedience and Humility

This is not easy for me to write. It is humbling to the point of embarrassment, and in part because I realize that I should not have waited to the point of desperation to swallow my pride and admit this to myself.

We need your help.

Well, let me put it a slightly different way. We need GOD's help, and we believe God is calling us to open the doorway for Him to channel that help through you.

Mairwen attended her first "in person" AMTC training this past weekend and it was a wonderful experience. However, the travel and lodging expenses were eye-opening. God blessed us with a tax return sufficient to pay Mairwen's entire tuition, and we glorify Him for that.  After this weekend, we now realize that our remaining "collateral expenses" may easily equal that amount.

In the past two years, the Lord has brought our family up out of a severe financial crisis through His faithfulness and our obedience. We are still on the road to recovery. We do not believe that God would bring us as far as He has, only to take us back down into financial peril. We trust that He will provide, if only we will continue to obey His leading.

And we believe that He is leading us to reach out to our family, friends, and community to support Mairwen in her calling to SHINE for Him with the talents He has given her. For equipping and outreach is not just our family's responsibility, but the responsibility of all Believers. It was both selfish and foolish of us to think that God would expect or even allow us to travel this journey on our own.

Won't you please join us in being part of the marvelous plan He has to use Mairwen's gifts to bless the entertainment industry and spread His Word in a dark world??

Please visit http://www.gofundme.com/aka4go

Boating and The Bible

Hebrews 2:1 NIV
We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away.

Observe: What? Pay the most careful attention to what we have heard. Why? So that we do not drift away.

Interpret: A warning that is universally applicable! We can't live a Godly life on cruise control! We MUST be continually making course corrections.

Apply: This past spring, we joined a boat club. We  don't own a boat; we pay monthly dues to this club, and in return, we get to use their boats.  We had to go through classroom, and on-the-water training before being allowed to take any of the boats out on our own. Now, before you say, "Heather, you're babbling again," let me explain why today's verse brought this up. Navigation of a watercraft requires constant, careful attention! Here, in no particular order, are some of the parallels between "driving a boat" and living the Christian life:

• The current is a little bit different every day-even in the exact same place.
• A moment's distraction can change your course drastically.
• There is no such thing as a straight line in boat steering; a "straight line" is made up of a million tiny side-to-side adjustments.
• Even at anchor, a boat drifts and spins in the current, and can end up far downstream if the anchor has not been properly set.
• A copilot is invaluable for telling you about obstacles and dangers that you might not be able to see from your perspective at the helm.
• Be fully stocked up with supplies and emergency gear before you even think about leaving the dock.
• Check your charts and weather reports ahead of time, so you know what kind of waters you're getting into.
• NEVER overestimate your ability to handle the boat.
• When an unexpected storm crops up, it's often safer to "hunker down" and ride it out than it would be to run for a harbor.
• Always fuel up and check your motor before leaving the dock.
• You WILL get rocked by others' wakes. The extent depends on your how you're positioned when the paths cross.
• Fear does not indicate an absence of safety; neither does comfort indicate its presence.
• Know the universal distress signals, both for your use and for recognizing them if others use them. • Always help another boater in distress...
• UNLESS doing so puts your boat in danger. At that point, radio for backup!
• Always take snacks to sustain you.
• File a "float plan." Tell someone about your trip. They'll know when and where to look if you get into trouble.
• Always give the right of way to the craft most easily put off course.
• A little light rain is nothing to fear.
• Communicate with the dock master.

Prayer: Merciful, gracious Father, I pray that You will help me always to navigate by Your Word alone. Amen.

Zombies, School Buses, and The Afterlife

A while ago (ok, QUITE a while ago) I decided to start running. It didn't stick. It was an admirable endeavor, but given my appalling lack of physical activity up to that point, it may have been a bit too lofty of an ambition for getting me off the couch.

Fast forward to early last month. I began WALKING. Every day. Almost. Not on the weekends, and initially not in really bad weather, but more days than not, I dutifully leashed the dog and toured our street after putting the girls on the bus. And, once the girls discovered what was going on, they demanded to be in on an afternoon walk, so now I often walk twice, though the second one is usually abbreviated. I'm up to just about two miles on the morning walk. In under half an hour, too, which for me is impressive.

Walking the same route day after day, my mind tends to wander. [At this point I'll thank you not to mention that my mind would wander even if IT had the collar and leash instead of the dog.] So this morning, as I was rounding my second cul-de-sac, I noted that there really isn't much sign of life in our neighborhood at that time of day. From there, it was a short mental hop to imagining myself in a post-apocalyptic survival scenario. If you're familiar with my husband's unhealthy obsession with zombies, you'll understand why this didn't take much mental effort.

I initially started imagining the different possibilities for the apocalypse; zombies (of course), pandemic, natural disaster, war... the rational part of my mind got bored and started sifting through them, considering which would leave my cozy little neighborhood untouched except for the distinct lack of living people. Plague seemed the most likely, though the frequent rumblings coming from Quantico made a strong argument for global war.

Then my mind drifted to explaining my presence and circumstances. I mean, what would have secured my survival? Skills? Knowledge? Unexplained immunity? Or (as my husband would most likely say) pure dumb luck? And, how, in this world devoid of infrastructure, would I have charged the MP3 player I'm listening to? Solar panels, of course! And the house would be heated with a geothermal pump powered by those same panels (hey, it's theoretically possible; don't bother me with details like our house not actually having them). Then came the most unnerving question yet: Why am I wandering solo with my trusty dog by my side? Was I truly the only survivor? Or the crazy lady who spurned the refugee camps or guerrilla groups to live on her own in the "wilderness"? Was I a scout? A sentry? (GULP) BAIT? I decided I most liked the proposition of being an advance scout searching for survivors and resources. Go ahead and laugh now, it's OK.

Done? I'll wait...

About the time I rounded the 4th cul-de-sac (actually the first one, a second time) I began to ponder why we are so fascinated with the idea of a post-apocalyptic dystopia. After some consideration, I came to the conclusion that all of us have some ingrained memory of at least the idea of Eden. That perfect place where creation began. We long to return to it, to recreate it. But considering the current state of the world, wiping the slate clean with an apocalypse would certainly be a tempting place to start! But I also think that within each of us has the ingrained understanding that we don't deserve perfection (1). We are quick to ask, what's the catch? Hence the DYS portion of dystopia.

I ended the walk cheerful. Yes, cheerful; meditating on the fact that, in the end, we will have the opportunity to experience a new earth (2), a true utopia, free from zombies, mutant killer strawberries, or any other ugliness, including the consequences of our own sin (3). Now THAT is something worth surviving for! (4)

Thanks to my lovely, intelligent 9-year-old for helping me to remember which reference goes with which idea:
1:  Rom 3:23, 6:23
2: 2Pet 3:13, Rev 21:1
3: Isa 65:17, 2Cor 5:17
4: Heb 12:1

The First One About Mairwen & AMTC

Mairwen is a ten year old girl whom God has gifted with talents in acting and modeling. She has been called to use those talents to spread God's love in and through the entertainment industry!

To that end, Mairwen has entered The Bridge training program with Actors, Models and Talent for Christ. This program endeavors to equip Christians in media to be missionaries in their areas of gifting, while developing their talents, and imparting the professional skills they will need to survive and thrive (with God's blessing!) in their crafts.

The Bridge culminates with an event called SHINE! It is part conference, part performance, part networking. It is attended by highly influential VIPs of both mainstream AND Christian media, and many performers have jump started their careers there. Friends of ours attended several years ago and it was a life changing experience for them on multiple levels!

How Can I Help?

1. Pray for us. The pastors at our church frequently remind us that, "Everything begins with, ends with, and depends on God." Here are a few specific prayer points:
-For God to be glorified through Mairwen.
-For Mairwen's spiritual strength and growth.
-For family cohesion and strong relationships.
-For the growing and molding of Mairwen's talents.
-For financial and logistical provisions.
-For the doors and opportunities to open according to God's plan.

2. Logistics and networking. These are going to be vital for us! Here are a few ways to help us "get connected"
-Spread the word! Share this post with your friends!
-Do you live in the NYC area or know someone who does? We'll be making three or four trips to the city before SHINE and it would be great to have a friendly place to stay. And any tips on getting around would be great too... It's been a while since any of us have been there!!
-Do you have access to discounted air or train fare? We'll be doing quite a bit of traveling!
-Do you know anyone (Christian or not) in the media/entertainment industry who would be willing to be a resource for us? AMTC's resources are considerable, but we're of the opinion that more resources are better than less.

3. Contribute Financially
STOP! Before choosing to assist us financially, we want you to be aware that, because of the unique combination of spirituality and show business, there are many claims that AMTC is a scam or otherwise illegitimate. We have done our research and prayed a LOT and come to our own conclusions. We encourage you to determine for yourself, so that if and when you give, you can do so with confidence.

Obviously, our conclusion is that this program is legitimate and that God is working through it. Once you've talked with many of the people involved, it's difficult to be convinced otherwise! We see the majority of negative reviews come from those without accurate facts, disgruntled individuals, and some may even be outright attacks by the enemy.

There have been already many indications of God's Hand in our journey. We will continue to move forward in this faith unless or until He makes it abundantly clear to us that He has removed His blessing. That is all we have to say about that. =)

Disclaimer over. Moving on!
AMTC is an entirely unique program of tremendous value for the cost, but the cost is still... costly. And in addition to tuition there are travel and hotel costs, and occasional miscellaneous expenses as well. We are in the process of investigating online donation options. In the mean time, if you feel that God is leading you to assist us financially, please contact us directly. Any and all funds received will be used to pay Mairwen's tuition and cover other expenses directly relating to her participation in The Bridge and SHINE (lodging, travel, incidentals). Any unrelated or family activities that occur on any trips will be paid out of our family finances. Now you know =)

About Conduct
We ask that all comments made on this page be kept positive! Mairwen WILL be reading them (and she reads and approves my posts). If you have CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms, you may send them here.

Thanks for taking the time to read all this! We pray that Mairwen's journey will be an encouragement to you, and that her talents will be a lamp on a lampstand in a darkened world!

An "Ode" to Autumn

I'm battling...something... today (flu?) My body is resting but my mine is restless, and, thinking about the changing seasons, it came up with this. Yes, I know it's not really an ode, but it is in the spirit of one, so I went with it. Enjoy  :-)

An "Ode" to Autumn
Crunch, crush, crackle
Leaves upon the ground.
Gasp, guffaw, giggle
Children running 'round.
Run, romp, revel
Great, melodious din!
Savor Summer's shadow
Before Winter settles in.

I'm still at it!

Since several people have asked, here's a recap of my most recent run. I finally officially started the C25K program on Tuesday. Of course I chose the most humid day in the pat two weeks to do it.

I figured I'd feel a little dumb just running up and down our street so I decided to tackle the next street over too. It was an excellent and awful idea. Excellent due to the change of scenery, and it was also actually just the right length. I'd like to say I planned it that way but that would be a lie. Awful because the street over is a hill, a bumpy hill at that. And not one that you can run up at the beginning when you still have energy and run back down once you're tired. No, this one you go down initially then, once you're already winded, you fight back up not just a steady incline but these the or four humps that are easily double the slope of the overall hill. Not a beginning runner's best friend! Fortunately the plan I'm using had built in intervals...


The approach of the C25K plan is to start you out doing more walking than running; after a five minute warmup you do 60 seconds of running then 90 seconds of a walking and then repeat. I didn't quite finish a whole running cycle without having to stop and walk but I only skipped two altogether and both were on the way back up that massive hill.

I'm just pleased to say that I didn't have to stop and gasp for breath although there were times when I wanted to!

Not sure how to sum up other than to say it was once again not horrible and it was not quite as interminable as I had expected. Thanks to everyone who is keeping me honest and holding me accountable. I'll write again soon.